Unbroken by Laura Hillenbrand

This is most definitely a five star read! 

Let me start off by saying I will never ever complain of having a bad day again! This man endured such terrible things and yet, maintained hope and faith through all of it. My worst day would easily be his best day times two. 

The book starts out revealing facts about Louis Zamperini's troubling childhood. He was quite the troublemaker and when I was reading it I wondered how this man ever made something of himself. I think this was a great way to show the reader that while this man was great, he was not perfect. 

As the story continues you see his true self begin to form through his love for running. It is amazing to me how fast he was and how easy it seemed to him. I grew a new respect for the sport of track. 

The meat of the story came when Louis entered the war. He flew huge planes and made an impact on the war as he fought in key battles which endangered his life but not his spirit. 

One day, Louis plane crashed. (I will not get into details because it will take away from the book!) Himself and two crew mates lasted for months out on sea in a raft before being captured by the Japanese. While I am sure the Japanese are a friendly people, during WWII they were not kind to the American POWs. 

Louis, who was starved and needed medical attention when they found him, found himself being beaten, starved even more, fighting disease, and fighting to maintain his spirit. 

His survival depended upon his spirit. They tried to literally beat it out of him but, he could not be beaten down. 

I'm sure his rescue was more exciting to him than what it was to me but even I felt like a celebratory wine was needed by the time I got to it. His health and his demeaner actually concerned me and I wasn't even sure he would live (despite knowing that he died in 2014). 

Laura Hillenbrand took Louis Zamperini's story and enthralled audiences in order to show how a spirit can not be broken. Keeping faith is key. I thought it was fabulous to read right at the beginning of the year when you need a boost of confidence to propel you to be a better person. 

Planning it out

So I met with my RE today in order to discuss our next options. She has suggested that we just up my femara to 5mg for 2-4 rounds and see what that does before moving on the the injectables. 

She explained that people with PCOS don't produce the best quality eggs so she wants me to produce more than the one measly follicle I've been producing. 

She also was not pleased that the other doctor in the practice who saw me for my egg scan last time just sent me on my way with no double checking of my one 14mm follicle. She just told me to take the ovidrel two days later and assumed that it grew. This time I will be returning if they are not up to size yet! 

Overall I was pleased with the visit. 

Fun Fact: My doctors office performed the first IVF in America! I go to EVMS in Norfolk, VA and I was reading some material in the waiting room and found that out! Makes me feel like I'm in the right place! 

Are things going to go my way?

First of all I want to start with THANK YOU to my ttc sisters for all the support. I'm not sure how anyone is able to go through this without the support of others in the same situation. 

This was our second femara round with an ovidrel shot and timed intercourse. Of course this morning I got a BFN. We will do this one more time before moving on to the next step. 

What is the next step? I have an appointment with my RE on the 24th to discuss it. I'm wondering if IUI will be our next step or if we will just try other injectables with timed intercourse or something I was not even aware of! My husband is also finally getting his seman analysis. Since he has two children we had not yet done that but, now we feel like that step needs to be taken. 

Hopefully the next time will work and we won't have to worry about it but, I feel like I have been saying that for a year and a half now! 

Halloween fun? Or not?

Yesterday was Halloween and I loved every minute of it, well on the outside I did. On the inside, a little peice of my heart was breaking. 

This time last year I remember thinking "I can't wait until next year when we will have a little one to dress up!". This was before we had a diagnoses and before I knew that this Halloween I would be saying something similar: "I hope next year we have a little one to take around!".  Those two little words "I hope" show that I'm not sure if this time next year we will have a little one. The infertility battle always seems never ending and when you look at the future, you want to see yourself with a child but, you hold back knowing that the dream of the future might not be fulfilled yet. (Notice I said YET!) 

I put on my happy face yesterday and I really was excited to see all the kids in their costumes. They are all so cute! I just kept thinking of how much I want to dress up my kid and let them have so much fun. 

While I have never suffered a loss of a child, the pain seems greater. A friend of mine lost her 6 month old daughter to SMA in the past 2 months. She mentioned on Facebook that her heart was breaking because she thought that this Halloween would be fun and she would get to dress her daughter up. My heart went out to her and made me check my own emotions, that is a loss that I could never understand and I am sure that yesterday was a terrible day for her emotionally. While a little peice of my heart was breaking, her entire heart was breaking. 

We are officially in the 2ww so right now I have a little bit of hope for next year. I am probably about 2dpo today. I hope things are happening in there that will make next Halloween a little more fun! 

Femara round 2

So today is CD12 so I went in for my egg scan with the hopes of having good news since I responded so well last time and I had been cramping again. 

The news was not as great as I had hoped. 

I had one at 16mm on one side and one at 12mm on the other. Since last time on CD11 I had one at 21mm, this was slightly disappointing news. 

She still wants me to trigger on Wednesday around 7pm and then start progesterone on Saturday. 

I already feel like this will not be our cycle. I am not confident that my body will cooperate. I hope it does but, as the past has shown, it normally does not. 

We were also told that we could try this 2 more times before moving on to IUI which my insurance doesn't cover. I think we should go ahead and start saving for it just to make sure we can cover the cost! 

Tricky tricky

I think anyone who is TTC tries something new each cycle in hopes that that will be the answer to getting that BFP. I have tried teas, pineapple, being lazy, being energetic, being around babies for good kharma, avoiding babies, taking coughs syrup, avoiding medications, basically anything that I thought would help. 

After a discussion with my husband, we feel that this is the answer this time: 

Yes, that is a pile of pillows. 

We were discussing how this months treatment is the same as last months (2nd femara cycle, ovidrel injection, progesterone suppositories until test date). We also discussed how (TMI alert!) "very wet" things are after BD and that we thought I lost a lot of the sperm due to him pulling out when he was done. So, we decided my hips need to be "tilted back" and that he needed to not only stay in after he was done but keep going since he generally has to use the restroom a lot afterwards and says he is still going when he does. 

We tested our theory last week with the pillows and discovered that things were much less "wet" afterwards and he felt like he got everything out. So, fingers crossed that's been part of our problem! 

It's crazy the things we try. I can definitely tell the femara is working again. I feel a lot of cramps and have a lot of EWCM. I'm almost worried I will ovulate before my trigger! My appointment is tomorrow, fingers crossed that what I'm feeling means good news and that our pillow theory is the answer! 

Gettin' busy!

So apparently my body responds well to the femara! Today was my CD11 egg scan and I had one follicle that was 21cm on the right as well as another smaller one on that side. He didn't even check the left side because he said he had enough information! Lol! 

I was prescribed the Ovidrel to trigger at 8pm tonight and then progesterone suppositories to start on Wednesday and take everyday until I test. I can test on 10/14. 

I don't plan to test early, I'm going to try and be patient. I can't symptom spot because of the progesterone so, patience it is! Luckily I have a busy two weeks ahead of me! I have a wine festival to go to on the 11th and I plan to taste some wines. I have decided not to put my life on hold for my infertility anymore. I'm going to a football game and going to my wine festival and I won't have any regrets of things I missed out on if I get that negative test, again. 

I will take any and all advice on either the shot or the progesterone because this will be my first time with both! My OB's office would do the shot for me so this is my first time doing it at home. I'm a little nervous about it! 

FX for a quick two weeks!