Planning it out

So I met with my RE today in order to discuss our next options. She has suggested that we just up my femara to 5mg for 2-4 rounds and see what that does before moving on the the injectables. 

She explained that people with PCOS don't produce the best quality eggs so she wants me to produce more than the one measly follicle I've been producing. 

She also was not pleased that the other doctor in the practice who saw me for my egg scan last time just sent me on my way with no double checking of my one 14mm follicle. She just told me to take the ovidrel two days later and assumed that it grew. This time I will be returning if they are not up to size yet! 

Overall I was pleased with the visit. 

Fun Fact: My doctors office performed the first IVF in America! I go to EVMS in Norfolk, VA and I was reading some material in the waiting room and found that out! Makes me feel like I'm in the right place! 

Are things going to go my way?

First of all I want to start with THANK YOU to my ttc sisters for all the support. I'm not sure how anyone is able to go through this without the support of others in the same situation. 

This was our second femara round with an ovidrel shot and timed intercourse. Of course this morning I got a BFN. We will do this one more time before moving on to the next step. 

What is the next step? I have an appointment with my RE on the 24th to discuss it. I'm wondering if IUI will be our next step or if we will just try other injectables with timed intercourse or something I was not even aware of! My husband is also finally getting his seman analysis. Since he has two children we had not yet done that but, now we feel like that step needs to be taken. 

Hopefully the next time will work and we won't have to worry about it but, I feel like I have been saying that for a year and a half now! 

Halloween fun? Or not?

Yesterday was Halloween and I loved every minute of it, well on the outside I did. On the inside, a little peice of my heart was breaking. 

This time last year I remember thinking "I can't wait until next year when we will have a little one to dress up!". This was before we had a diagnoses and before I knew that this Halloween I would be saying something similar: "I hope next year we have a little one to take around!".  Those two little words "I hope" show that I'm not sure if this time next year we will have a little one. The infertility battle always seems never ending and when you look at the future, you want to see yourself with a child but, you hold back knowing that the dream of the future might not be fulfilled yet. (Notice I said YET!) 

I put on my happy face yesterday and I really was excited to see all the kids in their costumes. They are all so cute! I just kept thinking of how much I want to dress up my kid and let them have so much fun. 

While I have never suffered a loss of a child, the pain seems greater. A friend of mine lost her 6 month old daughter to SMA in the past 2 months. She mentioned on Facebook that her heart was breaking because she thought that this Halloween would be fun and she would get to dress her daughter up. My heart went out to her and made me check my own emotions, that is a loss that I could never understand and I am sure that yesterday was a terrible day for her emotionally. While a little peice of my heart was breaking, her entire heart was breaking. 

We are officially in the 2ww so right now I have a little bit of hope for next year. I am probably about 2dpo today. I hope things are happening in there that will make next Halloween a little more fun! 

Femara round 2

So today is CD12 so I went in for my egg scan with the hopes of having good news since I responded so well last time and I had been cramping again. 

The news was not as great as I had hoped. 

I had one at 16mm on one side and one at 12mm on the other. Since last time on CD11 I had one at 21mm, this was slightly disappointing news. 

She still wants me to trigger on Wednesday around 7pm and then start progesterone on Saturday. 

I already feel like this will not be our cycle. I am not confident that my body will cooperate. I hope it does but, as the past has shown, it normally does not. 

We were also told that we could try this 2 more times before moving on to IUI which my insurance doesn't cover. I think we should go ahead and start saving for it just to make sure we can cover the cost! 

Tricky tricky

I think anyone who is TTC tries something new each cycle in hopes that that will be the answer to getting that BFP. I have tried teas, pineapple, being lazy, being energetic, being around babies for good kharma, avoiding babies, taking coughs syrup, avoiding medications, basically anything that I thought would help. 

After a discussion with my husband, we feel that this is the answer this time: 

Yes, that is a pile of pillows. 

We were discussing how this months treatment is the same as last months (2nd femara cycle, ovidrel injection, progesterone suppositories until test date). We also discussed how (TMI alert!) "very wet" things are after BD and that we thought I lost a lot of the sperm due to him pulling out when he was done. So, we decided my hips need to be "tilted back" and that he needed to not only stay in after he was done but keep going since he generally has to use the restroom a lot afterwards and says he is still going when he does. 

We tested our theory last week with the pillows and discovered that things were much less "wet" afterwards and he felt like he got everything out. So, fingers crossed that's been part of our problem! 

It's crazy the things we try. I can definitely tell the femara is working again. I feel a lot of cramps and have a lot of EWCM. I'm almost worried I will ovulate before my trigger! My appointment is tomorrow, fingers crossed that what I'm feeling means good news and that our pillow theory is the answer! 

Gettin' busy!

So apparently my body responds well to the femara! Today was my CD11 egg scan and I had one follicle that was 21cm on the right as well as another smaller one on that side. He didn't even check the left side because he said he had enough information! Lol! 

I was prescribed the Ovidrel to trigger at 8pm tonight and then progesterone suppositories to start on Wednesday and take everyday until I test. I can test on 10/14. 

I don't plan to test early, I'm going to try and be patient. I can't symptom spot because of the progesterone so, patience it is! Luckily I have a busy two weeks ahead of me! I have a wine festival to go to on the 11th and I plan to taste some wines. I have decided not to put my life on hold for my infertility anymore. I'm going to a football game and going to my wine festival and I won't have any regrets of things I missed out on if I get that negative test, again. 

I will take any and all advice on either the shot or the progesterone because this will be my first time with both! My OB's office would do the shot for me so this is my first time doing it at home. I'm a little nervous about it! 

FX for a quick two weeks! 

The Two Week Wait by Sarah Rayner- Book Review

I originally purchased this book because of my struggles with infertility. The two week wait is a dreadful time and takes so much to get through! I was both pleased and disappointed with this book for many reasons, let's start with why I was pleased. 

The book follows two stories. One of Lou who is a lesbian and has realized that her time to carry a child is quickly dwindling as she ages and after she finds a cyst in her uterus. The other is of Cath and Rich who is a couple who want a child after Cath has had her ovaries removed due to cancer. Both stories intertwine as they find themselves at a conference on IVF and egg donation. I liked how the book conveyed how the characters felt emotionally having to go through such a process as well as the agony of judgement from those around them who didn't quite agree with IVF as it is not a "natural" way to conceive. Towards the end of the book I felt that the characters really had their emotions conveyed through words and anyone who has been through IVF or is going through IVF can really relate to those feelings. 

There were a few things that I wasn't so pleased with.  First of all, since the title is "The Two Week Wait" I totally expected the book to really get into the emotion and agony of the two week wait. This was not the case. Most of the story revolved around the events leading up to or after the two week wait, not the two week wait itself. I was very disappointed when the two week wait seemed to be skipped over with just a small chapter or two. I also was displeased with how they left out a lot of the medical terms and names that go along with infertility. I was kind of hoping to be reading a book related to my world and I didn't really get one. I also has hoped that the couples would have exhausted all options before IVF.  In the scenarios presented, IVF was the only option but, I would have liked to have read a book about a couple, straight or Lesbian, who had struggled with many failed treatments and have those emotions conveyed through words and have that story told to the world since I feel like it is the most common. 

In all, I would give the book 3 out of 5 stars. It was a good storyline, although it moved very slow in what seemed like the wrong places. If you are a lesbian trying to conceive or a couple going through IVF I totally recommend this book to you. I think you will really enjoy it. The book is written by a British author so, as an American there were a few differences in language but I didn't mind that at all. 

On to the next book: "An Abundance of Katherine's" by John Green.