Insert straight face smiley here

Today was my school's Christmas luncheon. We get volunteers to watch our classes and we all go into the library to eat a potluck meal. It is generally a jolly time and a nice way to talk without the kids being there. 

Well, today just sucked. Remember that previous post about the teacher across the hall from me being pregnant? Well, that is apparently a hot topic to talk about. 

First off, we were getting ready to eat and her assistant goes "Let's let the pregnant lady go first!!!" Um, sure. Then the lady beside me goes "I hope I'm not pregnant. I never want to do that again" Then looks at me and says "If I am, you can just adopt our baby and it can be yours". How nice of you. My only saving grace in that moment was when the 5th grade teacher said "I wish I could have been first in line the 4 years I tried to get pregnant and the 5 years it took us to adopt" AMEN SISTA!!! 

Next I go to find my cup that I had sat down and guess who is sitting beside me, pregnant girl from across the hall. Fan-friggin-tastic. 

Everyone then decides to tell the tales of their pregnancies. One by one I heard of all the things that happen while pregnant and then how absolutely joyful children are despite all of that. 

By this time I just wanted my day to be over and get home. I still had an hour left of the party AND an hour left in my classroom. 

Somehow I made it through. I cried on the way home and hugged each of my students a little tighter at the end of the day because, they do help sometimes. 

Hopefully next Christmas will be much better!! Maybe I can be at the front of the line! 

When Pregnancy Stares you in the Face

The teacher across the hall from me is pregnant. She just got married in May. 

I am just going to let that sink in for all my fellow infertility warriors.

I want to be happy for her. Let me take that back, I AM happy for her. I am happy that she didn't have to take hormone medication. I am happy she didn't have to grieve month after month. I am happy that she didn't have to have tons of ultrasounds and doctors appointments and spend her life's savings in order to conceive that child. 

I am sad for myself. I am sad that she is due at the same time I would have been if my first IUI worked. I am sad that I found out she was pregnant when my 2nd IUI didn't work. I'm sad that I have a headache from the femara that I am taking yet in again in hopes that I can finally conceive. 

A constant reminder of what I want is not what I needed. Yesterday someone was bringing her baby stuff down the hall. Today, I had to keep it together in front of the kids when two teachers were rubbing her belly and discussing newborns. I am going to need to figure out what I can do to get myself through her pregnancy if I continue to struggle. 

Christmas is such a hard time for infertility and this really digs the knife in. 

Let's just hope I can avoid sitting with her at the staff Christmas party. 

The MIA blogger

Sooooo..... I haven't been blogging.

My bad.

I have been lazy have just been posting all my mess on Instagram.

I never really get out everything I need to say on Instagram so, here I am again. I promise to be better about writing!

Well, here we are in our 3rd Christmas as a married couple with no baby. I counted 12 femara cycles with trigger the other day. We have also had 3 clomid cycles and 2 IUIs with Femara and Follistim. Countless heart aches and broken dreams along the way. I am almost to the point where I am accepting that this might not happen for us. We might be the couple who is childless. That is a hard pill to swallow so, I'm going to allow myself some time to swallow it and not give up hope just yet.

January will be our final insurance covered IUI. If that one is a bust, we will be faced with the decision of either paying for more IUIs out of pocket or moving towards IVF. My RE's office has already given me info on IVF in order for us to mentally prepare a little bit for the cost.

December is kind of a "month off." I am taking my 5 days of femara and then monitoring for ovulation using Clearblue digital ovulation tests. It is nice not having to take off work twice a week for monitoring appointments.

That is my update! I promise to be better about posting!!

"Yes, Please" by Amy Poehler- Book Review

I give this book 3 and a half stars. 

A lot of this book was intriguing and funny but, some of it I felt like was a little boring. 

Amy Poehler is hilarious as we all know and her personality shows well through her writing although, I think she is funnier on TV. 

Amy goes into details about her normal childhood. I loved that her parents were teachers since I'm a teacher! I always like to know where celebrities came from because it gives me hope that one day I can go from being a normal American woman to Millionaire. She ate cheap meals and worried about paying rent and I like celebrities that came from that. 

It was also interesting to read about how Amy's career blossomed. She worked her way through the system meeting key people as she went along in order to make it to the success she has today. Some parts of this I found wordy and boring. I think when we talk about our own life and the people in it, we like to add in things that are important to us but, no one else really cares about. There were a few parts in this book that I didn't even care if I read and I could not even tell you about them now because I don't remember them. This made me very sad because I really like Amy Poehler as an actress and needed this book to be good! 

I think the best parts of the book were about her time at SNL. It was interesting to read how they prepared and wrote skits as well as some of the behind the scenes info. I also enjoyed when she wrote about becoming and being pregnant. You could see her happiness about that time in her life shine through her words and her humor. These times in Amy's life went hand in hand and were the times when I had trouble putting the book down. 

In all I would suggest reading this book to others. Its only about 250 pages and generally a very easy read. I found it ironic that I finished the book the same night that Parks and Rec had it's series finale. Also, reading the book did make me want to watch the show. (I see a Netflix binge in my future!). Only pick it up if Amy is one of your favorite actresses and you are familiar with her work because if she isn't, you might find this read pretty boring! 

TTC Penpals!

Do you want to share your journey with someone who knows what you are going through? Maybe you want to talk about something other than TTC and just get to know someone who's pictures you see all the time. Either way, a penpal is always great to have! 

What is #ttcpenpal2015 ? 

You will receive a penpal about two days after the final deadline for signing up. You can send your penpal a letter, a cute card with some encouragement, maybe even a small trinket if you so desire. The point is to write and share! Your penpal will be around the same age as you and going through a similar experience. For example if you are 33 and going through IVF your penpal might be 30 and going through IVF, not 20 and on their first clomid round. If you are 20 and going through your first clomid round, you might get matched with someone who is 21 and on their first femara round. This way you are your penpal are going through similar experiences. This is an opportunity for someone to check their mailbox and get a breath of fresh hope that they needed that day. 

How do I sign up? 

Send an email to lifeonthebooks@gmail.com with the following information: 

1. Age 

2. Where you are in your ttc journey 

3. Any diagnosis (pcos, endometriosis, hypothyroidism, etc) 

4. Instagram name 

5. Mailing address/first and last name

Please send this info by February 5th. That is one week to sign up! 

I hope that you are as excited about this as I am!! Can't wait to match all of you! 

After you get your first letter please use the hashtag #ttcpenpal2015 and share your letter/card/hope! 

Pride and Prejudice and Zombies by Seth Grahame-Smith

3 out of 5 stars

I originally picked up this book because I loved Abraham Lincoln Vampire Hunter by the same author and I also love Pride and Prejudice. Zombies are also pretty high up on my list of interesting things. I thought this would be a perfect book! I was wrong. 

While the storyline stayed generally the same, I was not impressed. The Bennett sisters are trained in martial arts along with most of the other characters such as Mr. Darcy. It did give the characters more of an edge but, I generally enjoy them in their original form. The fact that they were trained killers did modernize the story slightly but, I feel like this side of the story left more to be desired by the reader. I would have preferred a slight back story on their training or how it came to be given the ages of the girls. 

I think one of my biggest complaints about the book is that I didn't like how the zombies were portrayed. Maybe I have watched a little more Walking Dead than Seth Grahame-Smith and therefore my idea of the zombie was skewed. At one point the zombies were eating cauliflour because it looked like brains. This was a huge turn off to the book for me because of it's cheesy nature. I think it is a well known fact that zombies can smell the human flesh and therefore would never mistake a vegetable for a human. I also did not like how at one point a gun shot scared off a herd of zombies when they are generally attracted to noises. While I knew the book would probably be cheesy, I was disappointed in the zombie characterization. 

It was a nice refresher of the Pride and Prejudice storyline for someone who had not read the book since my sophomore year in college. (Which was longer ago than I would like to admit). I still love the love story of Elizabeth Bennett and Mr. Darcy. It was not the easiest love match and I love that about it. The book did not deny me that story and I was very happy about that! 

If you like reading different versions of a story then do not deny yourself this version. If you enjoy books about zombies, I say skip this one. 

Unbroken by Laura Hillenbrand

This is most definitely a five star read! 

Let me start off by saying I will never ever complain of having a bad day again! This man endured such terrible things and yet, maintained hope and faith through all of it. My worst day would easily be his best day times two. 

The book starts out revealing facts about Louis Zamperini's troubling childhood. He was quite the troublemaker and when I was reading it I wondered how this man ever made something of himself. I think this was a great way to show the reader that while this man was great, he was not perfect. 

As the story continues you see his true self begin to form through his love for running. It is amazing to me how fast he was and how easy it seemed to him. I grew a new respect for the sport of track. 

The meat of the story came when Louis entered the war. He flew huge planes and made an impact on the war as he fought in key battles which endangered his life but not his spirit. 

One day, Louis plane crashed. (I will not get into details because it will take away from the book!) Himself and two crew mates lasted for months out on sea in a raft before being captured by the Japanese. While I am sure the Japanese are a friendly people, during WWII they were not kind to the American POWs. 

Louis, who was starved and needed medical attention when they found him, found himself being beaten, starved even more, fighting disease, and fighting to maintain his spirit. 

His survival depended upon his spirit. They tried to literally beat it out of him but, he could not be beaten down. 

I'm sure his rescue was more exciting to him than what it was to me but even I felt like a celebratory wine was needed by the time I got to it. His health and his demeaner actually concerned me and I wasn't even sure he would live (despite knowing that he died in 2014). 

Laura Hillenbrand took Louis Zamperini's story and enthralled audiences in order to show how a spirit can not be broken. Keeping faith is key. I thought it was fabulous to read right at the beginning of the year when you need a boost of confidence to propel you to be a better person.