Planning it out

So I met with my RE today in order to discuss our next options. She has suggested that we just up my femara to 5mg for 2-4 rounds and see what that does before moving on the the injectables. 

She explained that people with PCOS don't produce the best quality eggs so she wants me to produce more than the one measly follicle I've been producing. 

She also was not pleased that the other doctor in the practice who saw me for my egg scan last time just sent me on my way with no double checking of my one 14mm follicle. She just told me to take the ovidrel two days later and assumed that it grew. This time I will be returning if they are not up to size yet! 

Overall I was pleased with the visit. 

Fun Fact: My doctors office performed the first IVF in America! I go to EVMS in Norfolk, VA and I was reading some material in the waiting room and found that out! Makes me feel like I'm in the right place! 

Are things going to go my way?

First of all I want to start with THANK YOU to my ttc sisters for all the support. I'm not sure how anyone is able to go through this without the support of others in the same situation. 

This was our second femara round with an ovidrel shot and timed intercourse. Of course this morning I got a BFN. We will do this one more time before moving on to the next step. 

What is the next step? I have an appointment with my RE on the 24th to discuss it. I'm wondering if IUI will be our next step or if we will just try other injectables with timed intercourse or something I was not even aware of! My husband is also finally getting his seman analysis. Since he has two children we had not yet done that but, now we feel like that step needs to be taken. 

Hopefully the next time will work and we won't have to worry about it but, I feel like I have been saying that for a year and a half now! 

Halloween fun? Or not?

Yesterday was Halloween and I loved every minute of it, well on the outside I did. On the inside, a little peice of my heart was breaking. 

This time last year I remember thinking "I can't wait until next year when we will have a little one to dress up!". This was before we had a diagnoses and before I knew that this Halloween I would be saying something similar: "I hope next year we have a little one to take around!".  Those two little words "I hope" show that I'm not sure if this time next year we will have a little one. The infertility battle always seems never ending and when you look at the future, you want to see yourself with a child but, you hold back knowing that the dream of the future might not be fulfilled yet. (Notice I said YET!) 

I put on my happy face yesterday and I really was excited to see all the kids in their costumes. They are all so cute! I just kept thinking of how much I want to dress up my kid and let them have so much fun. 

While I have never suffered a loss of a child, the pain seems greater. A friend of mine lost her 6 month old daughter to SMA in the past 2 months. She mentioned on Facebook that her heart was breaking because she thought that this Halloween would be fun and she would get to dress her daughter up. My heart went out to her and made me check my own emotions, that is a loss that I could never understand and I am sure that yesterday was a terrible day for her emotionally. While a little peice of my heart was breaking, her entire heart was breaking. 

We are officially in the 2ww so right now I have a little bit of hope for next year. I am probably about 2dpo today. I hope things are happening in there that will make next Halloween a little more fun!