All that fertility jazz

I am on day 3 of the clomid. I can tell you that it makes me a little dizzy and that it makes my eyesight a little blurry (or maybe thats because I have been looking at snow all day for 3 days!). 

I think my main concern is that it won't work this time. My husband is in the Navy and is gone a lot. We are timing this one for the day he returns but, in two weeks he leaves again and I am scared that we will miss our 2nd chance and have to wait longer. It is very frustrating knowing that I should have gone to the doctor sooner but, I didn't know that I needed to go. I have to keep telling myself that what is meant to be will be and I can't change it. 

I have my ultrasound scheduled for February 5. They will see if I ovulated and if I did not then they will give me a shot and make me ovulate, or so my paper that they gave me says. I am nervous that none of it will work. Maybe I am more infertile than what I think I am. 

Social media has shown me it's ugly side on this matter and it didn't even mean to. I think I know 110 recently impregnated couples and my newsfeed is flooded with how the baby moved, ultrasound pictures, symptoms of pregnancy, how to name the baby...blah, blah, blah. I will not be that person if I am ever able to get pregnant. I have learned my lesson on spreading the love when not everyone might not have that love to spread. I know that they do not mean to hurt me and that they are excited but I wonder, how many people are seeing those posts and while they are happy for them, die just a little inside everytime they read it. I have even hidden two people from my newsfeed, I just couldn't take them anymore. I know, I'm being bitter, I don't want to be bitter, it's just hard. 

Here's to hoping that it takes this time. Hoping. 

Insurgent- Book 2 of Divergent series- Book Review

I finally finished the 2nd book in the Divergent series. I was a little disappointed that I didn't feel that this book was as good as the first one. Although I'm sure the things that might make this book good to some people, almost made me not want to read the third one! 

The title character, Tris (Beatrice Prior), is very wreckless in this book and sometimes I felt like she was truly showing her age of being 16. I didn't feel that way in the first book, Divergent. She pushes away her love, Tobias, away and makes wreckless mistakes that I didn't see her character doing. I liked her being a strong character who is taking the lead and instead I got a weak and wreckless character who could not shoot a gun and made careless mistakes. Towards the end of the book, I finally started seeing the strong character again, which of course compelled me to pick up the third one in the series. 

I like how the author, Veronica Roth, is not afraid to kill off characters. She doesn't drag out the bad characters and instead brings out new twists and turns and shows characters who are evil in one chapter and someone's saving grace in the next. I like how each character seems to have two sides, even the main characters. 

It will be interesting to see what is revealed in the third book now that what they were fighting for is gone. I would like to know how the world they live in ties into a world "beyond the fence". I also am also interested to see how they face this new challenge against the factionless since they are the ones who created it. I love the romance between Tris and Tobias and I want that to continue as well. 

I tried to type up this review without to many spoilers. If you haven't read the series it is one I would definitely recommend! 

I can crochet!....kinda

Well since my husband is gone for an extended time I decided I would finally try to learn the art of crocheting. 

WalMart has a "I Can Teach Myself to Crochet" book that comes with the crochet hooks and several items for about $10. I also bought myself some purple yarn. 

After looking through the book I quickly realized that I would probably learn better with a video to help me so I found this video and several others that are part of a series. I really liked them and I referred back to it a few times. 

Well, I have to say this, crochet is not as easy as it looks as a beginning. It is simple in the fact that it is easy to make loops and place yarn through it but, making a shape of some sort seems to be hard for me. Right now I just seem to be practicing my loops and hopefully I will get the hang of it before he comes home! 

As you can see, I don't really have anything right now. But, the stitching doesn't look bad up close. I can tell the places that I messed up on. I think I will watch the videos one more time and see if I can see what I am doing wrong to make it not take shape! 

I will blog about my crocheting again as I practice :) 

Navy Wife, Navy Life

Well, once again I am alone on a Friday night. Not because I am single but, because I am a Navy wife. I had almost forgotten what lonely nights felt like. After my husband's deployment, he has been home for almost the last year. Now, the underways have started again so, here I am, with the dog, on the couch, alone. 

I don't mind it so much. Before I met my husband I lived alone for 4 years. I am also an only child so, "by myself" is what I do. I guess you could say that my personality and upbringing has prepared me for the military life. I like having the bed to myself (myself meaning me, the dog, and both cats), I enjoy watching what I want on tv, I like no one looking at me funny if I leave my dish on the table after I finish eating, and I like having the thermostat set on 68, not 70. 

Then, as I sit in my happy bubble, I turn to tell him about a story I read on the internet or ask about a recipe that I found on pinterest and he isn't there. I put my shoes on to take the dog out into the cold and realize that he always does it so I don't have to go outside at night (I hate it!). The dishes also start to pile up because he isn't giving me the "look" and I don't have anyone to complain to about whatever I need to complain about. 

I miss him terribly but, I know that it is his job and I know that I am perfectly capable of being the strong one while he is gone. I have to relish in the things that make me happy in order to avoid the things that make me sad. 

This week NC has seen A TON of snow. (A TON= 4 inches) and we are just not used to that. I didn't get to work (I'm a teacher) and so all I had to do with my time is be in the house and wish he was here because I know that he would have made me leave, even if it was to go to the store. I refuse to drive on any ice so, therefore, I was homebound. Next week, it is supposed to snow again and of course he will still be gone. It is the lifestyle that you learn to have a love/hate relationship. I love to sleep in my bed with all my space but I hate that he isn't here to play in the snow or eat my pineapple crock pot chicken. 

I will share some more while he is gone, including hoping to take my Clomid on the right days so we are ready to go the day that he gets back! 

Here are some pretty snow pictures :) 

Crock Pot Pineapple Chicken

I found this recipe online somewhere and it was so easy to remember that I do not even remember where I got it from! 

Start with chicken breasts. I used 2 because it was just my husband and I eating, you may want to use more if you have a bigger family! Throw in 1 can of pineapple chunks with juice. Try to make sure it's not sweetened and is only in pineapple juice. Then, sprinkle cinnamon over top of all off it. You can also add some brown sugar to sweeten it some if you would like! Put it in high for 3-4 hours or Low for 7-8 hours. It turns out fantastic! I added some white rice to put it on. I used the Uncle Bens Boil In A Bag rice, it only takes 10 minutes!  

This is definitely something that we enjoyed on a snowy night! 

Working on my Fitness and Fertility

Two years ago I herniated a disk in my back (L5/S1) and stopped running. Two years after back surgery, 50lbs, and a new treadmill later I have finally started running again. Today I ran half a mile and speed walked the other half. I know that does not sound like much but, for someone who hasn't run in two years, I really had to push myself to run that. My lungs and legs hurt but I feel good about myself for it. I'm hoping that running and getting back in shape will help with the fertility issues that I am having. 

Today I take my last Provera pill. I have had some cramps and spotting with it but, nothing to terrible. In 5-7 days I am supposed to start my period. 5 days into that I am supposed to start my Clomid. I am always nervous that it won't work, the best I can do is hope for the best and know we have another chance if it doesn't. 

Off to shower and try my luck at the thrift stores! 

Divergent- Book Review (spoilers included if you have not read this book)

I am now totally addicted to the Divergent series! When I first began the book I was not sure what it was about, I was just told that it was an addicting read. Once I got a few chapters into it I began to see it as another Hunger Games series, which I think is one of the reasons why I like it so much. 

Let me first start with comparing The Hunger Games book 1 with Divergent book 1. There is a teenage female heroine who is slightly confused as to where they completely belong  in both novels. Both live in an America that has been changed and divided, although Divergent takes place in what was once Chicago and nothing is mentioned as to what might be beyond the city.  Both female heroine's have a love interest that at first eludes them but in the end is a beautiful relationship although both were unsure of what a relationship was before meeting the leading male role in the series. In both Divergent and The Hunger Games, both females are put to tests by their new government in order to prove their place or fight for their lives essentially. They both have arch enemies who they are determined to outsmart and outwit in order to win. Both females end up successful in their endeavor although I did feel that Divergent left you longing for the second book more than The Hunger Games did. 

With Divergent I felt that the storyline was easy to follow and at sometimes a little predictable but, I loved it. I loved how the character grew but at the same time maintained her personality that you loved. The love between Tris and Tobias ( Four) made me feel like I was in a teenage love story again. That feeling when a romance first begins and it is a kissing and loving romance that sends shoots of electricity through you at every touch.  I also did not see it coming at the beginning. Throughout the story I feel like I can connect with Tris and her shame for leaving her faction but also at her bravery for joining a new and sometimes intimidating faction. The ending keeps the reader on the edge of your seat as you try to determine whether or not Tris will successfully be able to get away from the dangers of the Dauntless faction. 

The book left me hanging as the characters attempted to escape the evil of the Dauntless and Erudite leaders who will surely be after them after ruining their plan of dominance over the Abnegation faction. 

I can't wait to see what Insurgent brings! 

The Fertility Dance

Today starts my journey with battling infertility. I took my first Provera pill today. I have not had a period since November and on a recent OBGYN appointment it was realized that I have PCOS. Since I have been on birth control since I was 17 it had not been realized sooner. It is scary to think that these medicines might not work. I take the Provera for 5 days in order to induce a period after which I will take Clomid for 5 days in order to induce ovulation. My fertility should align with the same day my husband comes home from being underway for two weeks. I am so worried that it won't work. That it won't go the way we want and this cycle will be wasted. 

It is heartwrenching to see so many people that I know sharing baby bump pictures, discussing symptoms, guessing at the gender while I am just sitting here scared and barren. For so long I didn't want children, I wasn't ready and I took the precautions to make sure that I waited until the right time. Now, I'm just the one looking through the window of the Babies-r-us wishing it was me trying to figure out which stroller I want or how I want to decorate the baby room. I am at the age of the baby. The age where everyone is freshly married and babies come next. We are all in our lower 30s and know that that clock is ticking. My clock is ticking but you can only see the hands move, you can't hear the sound. 

My tactic for keeping a bay the ones who always ask when the baby is coming is to just say I'm not ready and that I'm not sure I want any. It is better than the sympathy face or the "oh wow" face that I get if I tell people we are trying, and have been trying. It's easier to brush off the feelings than to face them and share them. One thing I know I won't do when I'm pregnant, talk about how pregnant I am. There are so many silent ones like me that die a little every time they see a ultrasound picture on Facebook or a see a mother-to-be rubbing her belly. I know that feeling and I do not wish to bestow it upon someone else. I know that people do not mean to rub it in someone's face; they are happy and I am truly happy for them, it's just so hard to not know if that will ever be you. What if it doesn't work? What if all these treatments don't work and I am forever bound to the Facebook ultrasound depression? Hopefully I will never have to answer those questions. 

I hope the pill I took tonight works its magic and allows me to have that feeling. I'm just not so sure that it will. 

Singing in the Rain

Rain is often the most depressing form of weather to me. It is cloudy, generally the temperature is a few degrees cooler, and the droplets stick to my glasses making it hard to see. I have complained all day about the terrible rain until I was about 3 miles from home. The sun started peeking over the tree tops as it was showing its face for the first time at sunset. I noticed that it was still raining and looked to my right to see the most vibrant colored rainbow seemingly so close to me. It was full and had stunning colors that stood out against the dooming grey clouds behind it. 

Rainbows have a sweet special meaning to me. The day my beloved Grandmother died, my entire family saw a rainbow as we all rushed back to her bedside. We came from all different directions and from varying miles but, we all saw the same rainbow. Once we were all there, she was gone. I always think it is her looking out for me. Even on my wedding day it rained cats and dogs and then magically cleared up 15 minutes before the outdoor ceremony was about to start. I believe that I have solely her to thank for that. 

Here is a picture that my aunt took today of the same rainbow that I saw. My grandmother must have been checking on all of us today! 

Herding Cats

I can tell there is a full moon, or almost a full moon. Herding cats was possibly easier than trying to teach students today. I can only hope that the behavior gets better throughout the week, if nothing else for my sanity's sake. 

In good news I came home today and trudged through the first day of the "Couch to 5k" app on my treadmill. I have been using the treadmill since it was passed on to me from my aunt and uncle about three weeks ago. When I say "have been using" what I really mean is that I have used it about 4 times with varying degrees of difficulty each time. This time being the hardest. My weight fluctuates a lot. I have hypothyroidism as well as PCOS and neither of those factors help but I was down to a good size (for me that's a 12) about two years ago before I herniated a disk in my back and layed in bed for 6 months before they did surgery. I am now up to a 16/18 and am going to try and work my way back down to a "normal" size. 

My Pinterest skills were up today as well! I made a spaghetti casserole I found on Pinterest and it was delish. What is a spaghetti casserole you ask? Easy and amazing, that's what is it! Here is a picture of mine: 

I did not make my picture look beautiful but, if you were to pull it out of the oven and snap a picture with your ancient iPhone your picture probably wouldn't either. I probably could have "instagramed" it up some but, I didn't. The inside of this beauty is full of rich, plump, spaghetti noodles and pepperonis. 

Ingredients: 

16 oz box of spaghetti noodles

2 jars of Prego traditional spaghetti sauce

1 egg

1/2 cup milk

Mozzarella cheese ( 1lb bag)

Pepperoni slices

You can find the directions here: Quick and Easy Spaghetti Casserole 

If you would like to follow me on Pinterest you may do so here: Kathryn's Pinterest

I hope you all make spaghetti casserole and did not spend your day herding cats :) 

Easy Like Sunday Morning

I enjoy Sunday mornings, always have. There is a certain kind of peace that the world has on a Sunday morning that no other morning has. 

This Sunday morning my dog is driving me crazy since the rain has kept him mostly inside for the past 24 hours. I have a true crime show on, which I enjoy watching. I have a nice coffee made through my Keurig and my husband is still sleeping since he had duty last night. Later today I am hoping to watch my Carolina Panthers beat the 49ers! Sundays are easy around here. 

I started a new book last night, the ever so popular Divergent series. My first thought in the first few chapters has been how it is incredibly similar to "The Hunger Games". While I enjoyed The Hunger Games series I feel like the idea of a distant and broken America has been played out. It is a catchy read however. Despite its similarities, Divergent has not made me want to cast it away. I would like to see where it goes. The movie is coming out in a few months and I would like to be able to compare the two. The movie has the young lady that played in The Secret Life of the American Teenager in it, who I hope has better acting skills in the Divergent movie than in the Teenager show. 

I am off to finish this Sunday morning with a second cup of coffee and the next chapter of the book. My crime show is ending, the wife was the murderer, as the wife always is in those shows! 




Kathryn

That's Who I Am

Who am I? 

I am a 29 (eep!) year old teacher in a small town. I am newly married to a Navy man and we have two sweet cats and a crazy dog. Children are hoped for in the near future but, my body had other plans so we will have to use fertility drugs in order to get a future little W. We rent a little house in a suburban neighborhood. 

Things I do: 

• Read books....tons of books
• Shop in thirft stores
• spend outragous amounts of money on my animals
• watch true crime shows
• drink coffee
• live a lovely life

I am not good at describing myself so I will let this blog speak for itself. I do not have any major intentions in starting this blog. I just wanted to write this journey of life down. 

Kathryn 

Our Beautiful wedding. Photo by Brooke Mayo Photographers