The teacher across the hall from me is pregnant. She just got married in May.
I am just going to let that sink in for all my fellow infertility warriors.
I want to be happy for her. Let me take that back, I AM happy for her. I am happy that she didn't have to take hormone medication. I am happy she didn't have to grieve month after month. I am happy that she didn't have to have tons of ultrasounds and doctors appointments and spend her life's savings in order to conceive that child.
I am sad for myself. I am sad that she is due at the same time I would have been if my first IUI worked. I am sad that I found out she was pregnant when my 2nd IUI didn't work. I'm sad that I have a headache from the femara that I am taking yet in again in hopes that I can finally conceive.
A constant reminder of what I want is not what I needed. Yesterday someone was bringing her baby stuff down the hall. Today, I had to keep it together in front of the kids when two teachers were rubbing her belly and discussing newborns. I am going to need to figure out what I can do to get myself through her pregnancy if I continue to struggle.
Christmas is such a hard time for infertility and this really digs the knife in.
Let's just hope I can avoid sitting with her at the staff Christmas party.
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