Friday, January 31, 2014

All that fertility jazz

I am on day 3 of the clomid. I can tell you that it makes me a little dizzy and that it makes my eyesight a little blurry (or maybe thats because I have been looking at snow all day for 3 days!). 

I think my main concern is that it won't work this time. My husband is in the Navy and is gone a lot. We are timing this one for the day he returns but, in two weeks he leaves again and I am scared that we will miss our 2nd chance and have to wait longer. It is very frustrating knowing that I should have gone to the doctor sooner but, I didn't know that I needed to go. I have to keep telling myself that what is meant to be will be and I can't change it. 

I have my ultrasound scheduled for February 5. They will see if I ovulated and if I did not then they will give me a shot and make me ovulate, or so my paper that they gave me says. I am nervous that none of it will work. Maybe I am more infertile than what I think I am. 

Social media has shown me it's ugly side on this matter and it didn't even mean to. I think I know 110 recently impregnated couples and my newsfeed is flooded with how the baby moved, ultrasound pictures, symptoms of pregnancy, how to name the baby...blah, blah, blah. I will not be that person if I am ever able to get pregnant. I have learned my lesson on spreading the love when not everyone might not have that love to spread. I know that they do not mean to hurt me and that they are excited but I wonder, how many people are seeing those posts and while they are happy for them, die just a little inside everytime they read it. I have even hidden two people from my newsfeed, I just couldn't take them anymore. I know, I'm being bitter, I don't want to be bitter, it's just hard. 

Here's to hoping that it takes this time. Hoping. 

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