But everyone else is doing it...

23. That's the number of people I interact with on a daily basis either through social media or from day to day interactions that are currently pregnant. Since we have been trying to concieve for 6 months, that's a lot of announcements of babies that I so wanted to be my announcement but, every month just left me with false hopes and disappointments. 

Am I happy for these people? Sure, I'm thrilled for them. They are getting that joy of pregnancy and being a mom that I have yet to experience and I am hoping to have. But seriously, does EVERY post you have or everything you do or say have to involve your pregnancy somehow? Sure, it consumes your life, you are carrying a child, I got that. Sure, you are happy because getting pregnant was apparently so easy and carefree for you. For me, everytime I read it, it's a reminder that I'm not and not sure when or even if I ever will be. It's a slap into reality that I'm taking pills and getting shots for something that should be natural for me. Everything was done right. I went to college, had my fun, got a good job, settled down, got married and then comes the baby, right? Apparently not. 

I will never say anything to them. I will never dash their excititment and gazillion posts about how hungry they are or the movements they felt. The names. The questions. The registries. The showers. I will never take that joy from them but, do I wish they could see the other side? Yes. The millions of silent women just waiting and injecting and visiting doctors, the ones who are counting down, getting disappointed, and then counting again. 

I am waiting my two weeks patiently. I am analyzing everything my body does like it's going to do me any good. I am also secretly setting myself up for disappointment. I know it might not work this time and instead of giving myself false hopes, I would rather give myself reality and let excitement come naturally, if it does. When/if the time comes, I will never be the person to flaunt it. I will announce it, sure, it's exciting, but will I discuss it constantly, no I will not. I will not be the daily heartbreak for someone else. No one knows we are trying except a select few, a few of which are guilty of the incessant posts. I didn't want a billion questions so I have kept it to myself with the exception if the few and this blog. 

Today I'm going to focus not on the growing number of pregnancies around me but, my own struggle and the struggles of others. I will love on my animals since they are currently my babies. I will get ready for work tomorrow and put on my smile and show the world that they can't bring me down.