Today, February 7, 2014, was my first hcg shot. My follicle measured 18.5 today as compared to 14.7 on Wednesday so, she said to give it 24 to 48 hours. Hopefully, this is will be the time that the egg is released and fertilized. If not, we have to miss a cycle since my husband will be out to sea for two and a half weeks.
I have let it consume my brain today. I feel every twinge in my abdomen and every muscle flinch. Sometimes I feel like I am making it up! This is our first round of Clomid so, I'm not entirely sure what to expect. This measuring and timing is all new to me. It's a little scary. What if it doesn't work, what if it never works? What if my body is just not meant to have babies? I wouldn't be devestated but, it would take some time to digest that information and bring myself to the reality that I will never have that.
In two weeks I will know. In two weeks I will either be peeing on a stick or buying a box of tampons. It will be hard to concentrate. How do you go through the day wondering if cells are multiplying to form a new life right inside your body and concentrate? I will be looking for every single sign that people usually don't even notice. I will be noticing every ache, pain, or feeling my body has for two weeks. Of course, I have been doing that for months not knowing that my body was just pretending to be fertile while not actually doing anything. I just hope that I don't end this two weeks with another disappointment. A single line on a stick. A visit from "aunt flo" that tells you "Nope! Not this time". Having to look at all these fertile people with babies and know its not going to be me.
The wait begins, I just hope the end result is positive.
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