Have a little hope

I am a true believer that everything happens for a reason. Things don't always work in your favor because bigger, better, or even just other things are meant to happen. I am also a big believer in the fact that those we have loved dearly look over us constantly. 

On Friday when I took my test and got a BFN I was very upset. I went to the back door and looked outside and saw 4 cardinals in my backyard. While this may seem like nothing but nature's beauty to you, it was a big deal to me. My grandmother passed away a year and a half ago and I was very close to her. She absolutely loved cardinals and everytime I see one I think about her and I feel like she is with me somehow. When I saw those four birds that morning, I knew she was there looking out for me and I knew that she was telling me that it was okay and that she was looking out for me. 

I have learned to see my negative test as a blessing in disguise. I have had a horrible flu this past week and if I had been pregnant I would have been so limited on what I would have been able to take. I probably would have been even more miserable than what I have been despite the good news a positive test would have brought. So, this time didn't work, it wasn't meant to and I am being looked out for. 

A visit to my OB also gave me some hope this morning. My husband is currently out to sea for about three weeks and since he will be gone until about CD18 I thought all hope was lost for this month. My OB put me on an extended dose of provera to stop the period I have now as well as let my body prepare for the next one, which should start around March 18. I will then take my clomid on days 5-9 and have an ultrasound in order to monitor my follicles and then time my HCG trigger shot at ovulation, when he will be home. 

I hope March is our month. It is the month of my grandmother's birthday as well as my grandparents anniversary (would have been 72 years this year). I hope her cardinals were telling me that March would be our month.